Oh where to start…..I never had any cavities in my teeth until I was out of high school. I never had a bad experience with a dentist until I was in my late 20’s….unless you count Doc Thielges telling me that when he drills ones teeth it smells something like burnt chicken feathers…WTF!!! That unfortunately has stayed with me…that and the smell. Know this….I NEVER knew what burnt chicken feathers smelled like until I went to the dentist….it’s sort like teeth being drilled. huh!
Whilst in college I did have my wisdom teeth out…I don’t remember much, just the pretty picture of me with a face about 2 feet wide and various shades of green bruises from the bottom of my jaws down to my collarbone….right side and left. Hmmm no bad experiences to speak of yet!
Then there’s the time when I lived in Portland and went for a check up….all fine, just in need of a little cleaning. HOLY SHIT…I didn’t know they would put their foot on my shoulder for leverage, I have very strong plaque. Had, it’s gone now! I’m sure that plaque was reused in some street re-surfacing project in or around PDX.
So let’s fast forward a teensy bit. I now live in Seattle, I have a high flutent job with real insurance so I’m going to go try this out. A friend has referred me to a dentist, I show up, sit down, get strapped in with the bib thingy and I glance over and see the utensils. Um….what’s that noise? My heart beat is SO loud that I think I’m going to go deaf from the inside out. In spite of my ability to feed myself, I detest metal in my mouth, other than the all to occasional fork or spoon. Shiny, metaly, pokey? nuh-uh, I’m outta here. I actually bolted from that dentist, NEVER to return. I was so anxious that I could hardly breath. I’m out of breath as I recall this situation…I know I’m a freakin baby.
Now come on, I’m a somewhat reasonable person…just ask sweet husband. But I get so wigged out by dentists that one time when we were at a party, Sweet husband introduced me to one of his clients and clients wife who is a dentist. Out of shear panic and the thought that she would drop me to the floor and start prodding my teeth, I gave a weak breathy ‘hi’, turned on my heel and BOLTED. Are you sensing a pattern? Dentists/Bolting. So let’s get down to the real problem….my worst fear? My WORST fear is ending up in the trifecta of a convention where there are dentists, who by night masquarade as clowns and on weekends attend church where they juggle snakes. there I’ve said it….dentist, clowns and snakes. Could I possibly get any weirder? AUGHHHHH! I don’t have any other fears….I think.
So let’s get caught up….I have been to the dentist “several” times in the last few months. But the difference….this one is great!! They have wine, red or white, massages, they give hugs, they let me cry, they take insurance-now that I dropped it. (WE WEREN’T USING IT)and they use all sorts of new fangled stuff like lasers and stuff and they are VERY nice. So it’s basically happy ending, until yesterday…..you must go see a specialist. FUCK!