When Sweet husband and I went on our honeymoon, neigh upon 5 years now, we purchased a doorbell. We loved it because of the 3 hearts and how it represented our newly formed family. It will travel with us from house to house as we move on in life, it’s now on it’s second residence. The ring is an ordinary ring, yet it will get your attention as it did several weeks ago when upon opening I see two small children. We had been at the dinner table, oddly enough eating dinner, when we saw the same children coming across the lawn. Getting to this portion of lawn is a destination as they would have to traverse the back steps, wander through the vegetable garden, go north turn left and then get to the front door.
“May I help you?” I ask as I open the door.
“Do you want to buy a treat?” he inquired as he offered up a wrinkly sweaty and well traveled zip lock bag, with what looked like crystallized ginger inside. “It’s only .25 cents a piece.”
“um, no thank you.” I say.
He is a little guy about 5 years old and the girl I assume is about 3. I look past them scanning for parents who would be holding folders and binders explaining the latest fund drive for our poorly operated school system. No parents! I look back at the kids…they are kind of scruffy and fidgity, where the hell did they come from. This a nice neighborhood, “Where do you live?” I ask. “In the house with the cemetery fence.” stated to me matter of factly. Um, er ah yes the house up the street on the corner with the wrought iron fence. Clever!
As any good sales person, “Do you wanna buy some?” he persists. “No.” I say again. “WHY??? Why does everybody say no?” he implores me. “Well it doesn’t look very good.” I say as my food industry persona takes over. My head is reeling with thoughts of bad marketing plans, sanitation, cost efficiencies and distribution. He seemed to have the distribution part down pretty good, but obviously needed to work on tag team selling as little sister hadn’t said a word. So off they went on to the next unsuspecting house, I scan again for parents…nope!
A few weeks go by and sweet step daughter has a friend over and the door bell rings, we don’t think anything of it, if it’s for us, she will let us know. So we go back to whatever we are doing outside. A few minutes later her and her friend come outside holding giant candy bars. “Where did you get those?” her dad asks. “Some cute little kids were selling them door to door for only a buck.” HOLY SHIT, the trap has been sprung, we are targets now. Sweet husband and I look at each other and shrug.
On Thursday afternoon of this week, I had been working from home and sweet husband had just returned from work when the door bell rang. Half a second later it rang again, before sweet husband even got to the door someone was now banging on it…this must be VERY important. He opens the door and there standing on our front step is the same 3 foot tall wild curly blond unkempt hair, (which I had previously described as scruffy), door to door sales child. Today he is holding in his hot little hands a spray nozzle for the end of a hose. “Hey, wanna buy a car wash?” he asks energetically. I asked sweet husband what he thought at this point and it was ‘oh no, he’s back!’ “uh, no thank you I don’t need a car wash.” he politely refuses. “How bout a room dress up?” little Trump asks. Sweet husband thinks ‘What the fuck is a room dress up? Wait don’t ask.’ “No, I won’t be needing one of those either.” again refusing politely.
The little sales child is cleary beside himself with a frustration that is usually reserved for adults sales people in a reject situation. He regroups…”yuh, see cuz I got a business, and there’s four people, so it’s a dollar per person, that’s four dollars. But since you’re the first customer, you get a dollar off. Because one of the people is a baby and they don’t need as much money as you do.” The logic is staggering.Sweet husband is thinking he was a little bit impressed that sales child is persistant and would really make a great car salesman, probably sooner than later. “Thank I don’t need anything today” sweet husband AGAIN politely said. So little trump turns and again heads off to the next unsuspecting house, hoze nozzle in hand.
I laugh and scratch my head at this situation with so many thought as to why he is doing this, the imagination of his endeavors, his ability to cross the street alone and where the fuck are his parents. I don’t think we are through with this little guy and his business of four people, one of which is a baby. I’ll keep you posted.