(Doesn’t it look like this picture is flippin off SF?)
So now you know where I am, now let me tell you a little bit about yesterday. If you read my previous post you know my modes of travel yesterday included everything feasible within San Francisco, with the exception of a train and a rickshaw. I don’t know if they actually use rickshaws here cuz the hills are a bitch. I don’t think I’d ride one anyway, it’s scary enough in a cab. So upon arrival we checked into our room, which I’m fairly certain was a sauna at one time. I didn’t eat anything during transit yesterday, except a extra small bag of airplane peanuts and an iced tea. Not quite enough of either.
Needing a bit of nourishment we decided to hit the trail, scavenge for food and head toward Alcatraz to visit the ROCK. Off we go, ridy ridy ridy…cable car…up the hill…down the hill…round the corner…..down the hill…up the hill….ridy ridy ridy…get out. Have you seen a picture of a cable car taken by either me or my sweet husband? No, you haven’t, because we didn’t take any, we were simply using the cable car as a mode of transportation. Tourisitng on the cable car is so yesterday. Let’s be tourists on Alcatraz instead.
Have you seen the movie Airplane, where the reporters are all running to the gate and on the overhead you keep hearing the gates been changed to gate 15, gate 16, gate 17 gate 18… That was us yesterday, as we walk to get tickets which are at Pier 30…walky walky walky, read sign, Alcatraz tickets are at Pier 33, walky walky walky…nice person in booth selling tickets…Alcatraz tickets are now at gate 39…walk some fucking more! Sweet husband mutters something about if it’s further than that..FORGET IT!
We arrive we get tickets for the next boat leaving in about 12 minutes and we’re on it. Hey I forget to mention our fine lunch…wait we didn’t have a fine lunch and there is NO food on the ROCK. But there are $45 cookies on the boat, nu-uh. We arrive, disembark and listen to a little spiel from the Park Ranger and head off to get the audio tour along with everyone else visiting San Francisco today. I have to tell you it was very informative, educational and thought provoking, that is until my stomach started growling so loud I couldn’t hear what was being said on my head phones. I get cranky when I haven’t eaten for a while and very quiet. My body language is oh so ugly and I sprout horns. Sweet husband looked at me, shook me from my oncoming coma and headed me back to the boat. We had traversed the island and we were through with the tour and ready to leave so I didn’t pee on any body’s Wheaties, with my personal nutrient needs. I did find a stick of gum so I sucked the life out of that until we got off the boat. Now because San Francisco cares….they provide a shuttle for all the lazy asses that don’t/won’t walk back from whence they came. $2 per person is what the sign said and exact change only. I had two dollars in ones and a five. The bastard driver said he didn’t have any change, and there were people on the shuttle already, so he MUST have had change. I also get stupid when I don’t have food. What a freakin scammer, I gave him the $5 cuz I was getting CRANKIER. We climb on to the bus and watch him do this to countless people…sorry no change. 90% of the time people would give him a larger bill and take it in the shorts. We were seated right behind the driver and his coat was hanging on the back of the seat. I said to Sweet Husband, I should see what’s in his pockets, rubbing my hands together. “NO Way honey”, he said, “bad honey! Be good.” So we sit and talk for a while and finally the driver drags his ass inside and we are off. I sit back and look at Sweet husband and show him a cigar rapper…”that’s all I could find in his pocket”. Sweet husband, gives me the look and I am reprimanded. All I wanted was my dollar back and some justice. So the moral of this story is, carry a snack, don’t scam people and stay out of rickshaws on steep hills. Oh yeah, and I’m not a pick pocket, I have no control of my actions when in a delusional state. The most off thing is today we walked for about 5 hours straight surrounded by food the whole time, grazing as we went. Ain’t life weird?