Royal pain

When I’m queen of the world here are a few things that I will make happen.


1.  When I am Queen, all hotel/airline/grocery store “rewards” programs will all have the same account number and password.  ALL. OF. THEM.  As it stands right now, I need an extra wallet simply to store all of the cards.  I stay in a lot of hotels and some of these rewards programs don’t have hotels in the cities where I want to go.  For example Boise Idaho does not have any Starwood properties.  Now I have to find the rewards program that does have properties in Boise and reserve there.  My frustration is trying to locate the correct card that was sent to me.  Then I have  to scour the Internet to find their travel website, (ok I just google, that part is pretty easy) to get to their site, remember my log in and my password all to find out the hotel is either sold out or ridiculously expensive.  I know, boo-fuckin-hoo…  But folks, in this day and age if I still want to travel for pleasure, I really need to be on a rewards program.  I like to accumulate points for hotel and airfare….it’s pretty slick and the ONE thing that would make it better is when they all end up in the same big “rewards” pot.

B.  When I am Queen, I will make it that when I want to shop at Costco,  the whole 5750000 sq ft facility is vacated of any other form of life.  This is how I figure it, the person that checks my card on the way in, closes the door behind me, walks over to the check-out conveyor belt thingy and waits while I shop, unimpeded by the freakin idiots that can’t see other people around them in their blind quest for free samples.  sheesh.  This door/check- in person now takes my money, packs my purchases back into the cart, runs ahead of me to stand guard at the door to make sure I’m not stealing anything, marks my receipt tape with a yellow marker and let’s me out of the door.  Oh, and the parking lot is off limits to ANYONE, until after I have been gone from the premises for a good 15 minutes.  I’m a reasonable Queen, notice I did pay.

III.  When I am Queen, the music at the Walgreens near my house will have NO music playing at any time when I am in the store.  I was in there once while in a diminished state of health and a teensy bit cranky.  The speakers we’re blaring some crazy 50’s tune.  I didn’t really want to rock around the clock,  anytime, anywhere.  In fact, rocking was not in my near future.  With my head pounding my nose clogged I announced myself to the nearest Walgreen employee,  “Cub you pease hab subone turn down da music? Pease?  Id makes my heab hurddd, reaaawwy bad. Danks”  I like to think that I was that nice, but I probably wasn’t, but I was that congested.  I wasn’t surprised when nothing happened with the volume.  In fact, now that I think about it, the music seems louder when I go in.  hmmmm

4.  When I am Queen,While I am at the gym, there will always be an empty treadmill waiting for me, donned with headphones and the TV already tuned to HGTV.  There will be a non hazardous plastic bottle with cool spring water, and a clean towel to catch the droplets of my workout.  There will not be a 10 year old anorexic boy walking 1.4 miles an hour on my treadmill as he watches Sponge Bob….ever.

E.  When I am Queen, all Sundays will be sunny and funfilled….really.

6 thoughts on “Royal pain

  1. ha ha ha, i have probably over 100 things I have a credit card or membership card for and I have an online profile for every single thing I have invested in. I became queen and got rid of a huge majority of them. 😀

  2. Just think of that Mai Tai, Piña Colada, Chi Chi, Tropical Itch, etc etc all waiting for you as soon as you touch down in the islands.

    I’ll be waiting for pics!

  3. Oh, I hate music blaring in stores too. Actually, I hate it even if it’s not blaring. What I don’t like is having someone else’s idea of music playing through my head for the whole day. Sometimes I’ve had a store song in my head for days!

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