An Open Letter to the Month of January

Dear January 2010

How are you?  I am fine.   I’m writing because I’m worried about you.  You don’t seem to be your usual self.  Are you ok?  Are you having  an El Nino year?    I ask because I’m seeing things that I don’t like and I need to bring them to your attention.  Frankly  January, I have to be honest with you.  You have never been my favorite.  You are way too bossy.  The Christmas decorations are hardly put away and you’re hounding me  about what a good idea it would be to finally get back to the gym.  Do you realize that means wearing spandex in public?  Can’t I just take a little break?  January, your long-look forecast is usually grim, dark and…well, cloudy.  Did I mention depressing?  Yes January, you are depressing, that is why so many people want to get away from you.  You. Are. A. Downer.  You take far to long to do anything and when you finally do get any ones attention, you’re out the door without  even a shout of, ‘hey, see ya next year’.  But this year?  You are being downright mean.

January you are a frightful tease with your record high temperatures.  I’m not fallin for it, but my friends in the garden are. You are not very mindful of  ‘old man winter’  with your warm days and snippets of rain.  If you’re serious about a warm-up, we didn’t even have enough time for cabin fever to set in.  What a whimpy winter you’ve been.   Let me tell you what effect you are having on my yard.

The pink rose bush on the east end of the yard is already getting ready for our friend March and putting on some new leaves.  NEW LEAVES!!  That’s just not right.  How’s it going to look to February when I have to prune the rose bush and make way for new growth.  It has new growth already and I can hardly stand it. It’s not going to be pretty, and if I don’t prune, I’ll have roses 14ft in the air by August, and you know August gets about those sort of things.  August can be very temperamental.

Look what you’ve done with  the quince.   Let’s cut the Quince a little slack, because you know how the Quince is.  Quince is a gullible little thing and will fall for any warm trend that passes their way.  Frankly their buds are a welcome sight, since it’s winter look is  like a pile of random sticks anyway.   But the rhubarb?  Rhubarb lives in the ground. It doesn’t have any protection once they peek their little heads out when warm sashays by.  Do you have any idea what you’re doing?  With any luck I won’t have any rhubarb for pie all summer long.

And one more thing.  I LOVE the honeysuckle plant, it is so fragrant and lovely….in JULY!  I’m so afraid you’ve invited all these buds of honey suckle to the party,  way to early and you will dash all of their summer hopes.  Please be kind, the hummingbirds are going to need that nectar. I know it doesn’t look like much right now, but when June makes them even warmer and we see flowers….oh my, it’s so loverly.

Now really, this is just pissing me off.  You couldn’t finish what December started?  January I had way more faith in you.  December brought us enough cold, I mean REALLY cold days that it killed all the icky bugs…but not the chickweed.  I am left with bushels of chickweed and I can’t get rid of it fast enough.  See that?  Look close, it’s even starting to BLOOM.  Do you know what that means?  Yes more chickweed.

So January, you know I already don’t care for you, but cool it.  No I mean it, just cool down a little bit so my garden will play nice.  And while you’re at it, could you talk to Mother Nature about the slugs.  They would be good for something if they would leave everything else alone and  just eat the chickweed. k’thanks.

Sincerely yours,


4 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Month of January

  1. I love your letter to January! Very fun to read, and you’ve got a great voice in it. Question: What does rhubarb taste like? I’ve always wondered, but I’ve never had much opportunity to find out.

  2. You got Quince? Ever use it to thicken jam or jelly?

    Brightcalliope ; Rhubarb is very very VERY sour, and very very VERY tart. Do not bother with canned stuff, try the frozen if you can find it. If fresh use LOTS of sugar and check your glucometer…often. Oy!

  3. Love your 1-10 letter Carla. If I could post a picture here I would show one of little pink flowers blooming on a bush we planted last month. Buds everywhere and BLOOMING in January YIKES I hope it doesn’t turn cold again.

    You could be a professional writter.

  4. even in the midwest, where it’s been MOSTLY cold, i’ve got some rogue daffodils attempting to commit suicide by popping through the recently unfrozen tundra a few months early. hope they survive…

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